Oh, Jaclyn

Oh, Jaclyn

Oh Jaclyn, why are you slackin’

Making lipsticks full of holes?

Tacky silver packaging with that rhinestone

With the actual product covered in mold!

Oh Jaclyn, why are you lying

Selling contaminated lipsticks from twenty fifteen

Your company name doesn’t match the logo

Are you sure you didn’t go thrifting?

Oh Jaclyn, you’re so problematic

All your launches and collabs always have some issues

Then you go on Snapchat, crying

Crying fake tears, reaching for overpriced tissues

Oh Jaclyn, I’m so sorry

There are drama channels talking about you

People are speculating, formulating theories

Why don’t you come out with it, just say what’s true?

Oh Jaclyn, you need divine intervention

And a break from trying to make a quick buck

Maybe go on Kasamba because you need it

Since you’re running out of luck.

Oh Jaclyn, I wish at this point

An actual microbiologist would come through

With photos of what’s going on with those lipsticks

A logical explanation, with concrete proof

Oh Jaclyn, please recall your products

Do some damage control as soon as you can

Your lipsticks are a health hazard,

You might be losing followers: you need to go save those Stans.

Backstory.

The beauty community can’t catch a break. There’s a new scandal each week. Jaclyn is a twenty eight year old YouTuber that’s recently come out with her own makeup line, and she’s been teasing about it since 2015.

Four years later, we have her brand, Jaclyn Cosmetics.

What’s the issue? Um, her first ever product, a cream lipstick, So Rich, that has twenty shades to pick from, also comes with hair, holes, bits of plastic and mold. Actual mold. The logo on the lipstick doesn’t match the logo on the unit carton. This led YouTuber Raw Beauty Kristi to theorize that the JH (for Jaclyn Hill) on the product must have been PRE-Jaclyn’s divorce from husband Jon Hill. The brand is called Jaclyn Cosmetics but the tube says JH:

Jaclyn Cosmetics is the shadiest new brand on the Internet:

• People that paid for expedited shipping never received their products early.

• Jaclyn never sent out PR packages ahead of time – to push sales because there were no negative reviews to begin with.

• Negative comments have magically disappeared from every Instagram post of theirs.

• As if all of that wasn’t enough, there’s been no damage or quality control and Jaclyn has been caught lying about gloves used in her lab. She’s also neglected coming out with an offices statement to clear all the air. Shady, hella shady. The lipsticks also keep balling up in places. Solid balls. And they have holes like I mentioned, plus filaments that look suspiciously moldy. Of course, a normal lipstick never does that.

There’s a very important lesson to be learned from here: don’t put anything out into the market till it’s perfect and don’t announce it to the planet when you’re not even ready.

Are you following the drama? Ooh, and did you like my poetry?

Ten Relationship Home Truths

Ten Relationship Home Truths

• The biggest mistake people in relationships make would be comparing their relationship to someone else’s.

• A relationship actually should be between two people. Don’t involve a third person. No aunt or mommy or best friend, no one, would ever be able to fix it for you. The only people that can would be you and your partner.

• EVERY COUPLE HAS PROBLEMS. Mature people handle it like pros and that’s why it seems like their relationship is killing it.

• You’re not ready for a new relationship with a new person if you’re constantly saying crap about your ex. You made the choice to date this person, your ex, and you shouldn’t let your present question your brains.

• Rebounds never really last. If someone says they’re happy with their rebound, they’re lying.

• Most millennials are hella scared of marriage. It’s not just you. It’s most of the millennial population. We’re a screwed up generation.

• Also, millennials are really bad with money. Don’t expect your man to always get you stuff because dude is paying EMIs and home loans and you need to chill about not getting a Valentine’s Day gift.

• If you need to play Nancy Drew and if you’re someone that wants his passwords, boo, you ain’t ready. Same goes for the men. If you can’t trust your partner, you need to take a step back and reconsider.

• If you can expect time and attention and other stuff from your partner without overdoing it, you’re going to make a great partner.

• It’s true: if you can be best friends with your partner, you’re super sorted and you’re hella lucky.

Netflix Recommendation: Good Girls

Netflix Recommendation: Good Girls

Keeping it short today, folks. I’ve actually managed to stay in my room, for forty-eight solid hours, without sleep (I’m exaggerating but you know what I mean) and binge watched on Good Girls. This is an NBC show that premiered last year and a friend recommended it to me, and boy, oh boy, is this show GOOD.

If you watch and love Dynasty, you’ll love this. Here’s five reasons why.

• BODY POSITIVITY.

The first thing I noticed was that none of the leading ladies looked anything like a Victoria’s Secret model. Say what?

The show centers around three suburban mommies – two sisters and their best friend – Beth, Annie and Ruby, and both Beth and Ruby are curvy and Annie isn’t six feet tall. They’re relatable as heck. I love this!

• Female friendship.

We’ve been led to believe that only dudes have each other’s backs. Uh uh. Watch the show, you’ll see what I mean.

Kickass quotes.

Whoever writes the dialogue is a genius. There’s this line that Annie says to her ex, “You loved my eyebrows because your wife plucked hers to death,” and it had me in literal tears. There’s so much you can actually put on a tee shirt and be totally inspired.

• Amazing plot.

From being “boring and dumb” to being money launderers to drug dealers to car dealers and back and forth and back again – it’s fast paced and hella intense.

They cover everything. I love how the show has includes transgender kids, consent, real and raw human emotion, how far people will go for money and for their families.

Chemistry.

I love how Rio is such eye candy with his mmhmm and his refusal to make the first move and let the lady come to him. And I love how, for a change, you fall in love and root for the bad guy.

I love the sexual tension between Beth and Rio – you’ll notice it right away. It’s almost palpable. And you can feel it. It’s that tangible. I mean, holy whoa.

Are you watching yet? Go. Go. GO.

Let’s Talk Pride.

Let’s Talk Pride.

June was chosen as the LGBT Pride Month to commemorate the Stonewall riots, which occurred at the end of June 1969. As a result, many pride events are held during this month to recognize the impact LGBT people have had in the world.

– Source: Wikipedia.
I can’t deal with the fact that people are doing a “straight pride” parade at the moment. Kids, there are people dying. There are people being subjected to mercy killing. You need to stop making a joke out of everything. The whole point here? It’s to make the LGBTQ+ community feel like they’re not meant to be hiding away. There’s no shame in being yourself, you know?
My issue with the whole hashtag that’s been trending all over Twitter right now – #StraightPride – is the fact that these people are parodying the LGBTQ+ community slogans and it seems to me like they were mocking the whole thing. Maybe this is why human beings are headed towards extinction soon. Maybe this is why the whole planet is dying out. The audacity and the stupidity combined is enough to knock me out with a chicken feather. And not in a good way.
Why can’t people just co-exist in peace? Apparently, it’s the hardest thing.
While all of THAT is going on, there are TV shows that actually are doing a really good job of telling people’s stories. Take this NBC show, Good Girls, for example. Annie’s daughter comes out as a transgender boy in Season two, and the way Annie supports her kid is just so heartwarming. Also, the actor that plays Sadie, Annie’s kid, has actually come out as transgender in real life and the writers of the show managed to incorporate this into the script flawlessly.
And then there’s Netflix’s Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, which I’ve talked about before too. Susie Putnam is a non-binary character and I love how supportive Sabrina is of her friend. I also love how they’ve picked a non-binary actor to portray Susie. We definitely need more shows that tell these stories that actually need to be heard.
And of course, how can you ever forget the iconic The Danish Girl where Eddie Redmayne flawlessly played Einar Wagner, who later becomes Lili Elbe. Lili Elbe was also one of the first known recipients of sex-reassignment surgery. The movie has a lot of historical inaccuracies, and attracted a lot of backlash and was smack in the middle of controversy, but Redmayne’s portrayal of Elbe was phenomenal.

Have you watched any of these? What’s your view on the #StraightPride that’s trending?

And, here’s wishing you a happy pride 🏳️‍🌈 month!

Helping The Community: The Dark Side.

Helping The Community: The Dark Side.

When something (or someone) becomes accessible, it tends to lose its value. People either exploit it, or they toss it aside. Or they take it all for granted.

What happens when you give away free services?

My Dad, an ophthalmologist, has always dedicated every Wednesday towards helping the poor. India has a lot of people that can not afford to pay for the basics – we also have a lot of homeless people and no matter how you try to help, this problem doesn’t seem to go away. You can only start small and my Dad has always done his bit. And he still is. So this one day of the week, people that can’t afford to get themselves treated, come over and they get help. It’s usually a long, long day for him and his employees, always has been, but there will always be someone that’ll come over and say, “I need to get complimentary treatment because I know the Doctor personally.” And this usually happens right before lunch break or before we’re trying to close down for the day. And this person is usually always someone that comes from means.

And my Dad is a good person and always obliges.

My problem with the whole thing is this “intimacy” mixed in with a great deal of audacity that makes people feel like they’re allowed to walk in at any time of day, and demand for things, even though they can afford it. And a hundred percent of the times, they’re someone my Dad has met like once, in passing. How do you deny someone when they’re being so free treatment about it? You can’t. And India is HUGE on the whole making “everyone their relative” thing. So everyone you meet is your uncle or auntie or brother or sister. There’s no concept of Sir or Ma’am. It’s always Dada, Didi, Chacha, Chachi, the whole nine yards. This is also one of the reasons why Indian weddings are so big. The list of fake relatives is endless.

Okay.

I’m probably being hypocritical at this point because my ex happened to spend a lot of money on gifts to me and I’ve taken them. I shouldn’t have, I know, but it felt nice to be pampered. And unfortunately, me giving away all of whatever was gifted to me won’t help me or the image this person has of me anyway, and it won’t even dissipate the hatred he’s got towards me but I’m trying to be a good person. At least, I’m trying to be a better person anyway. And this was one of the many reasons why I started teaching kids English three days a week.

I don’t charge any money and I also provide them with stationery and I do everything I can to help. But here’s the thing:

I feel like nobody really ever meets you halfway. Like I said earlier, when you give away something for free, people don’t value it. My problem with this whole thing is that I genuinely love to teach. I love to introduce these kids to new authors whenever I can. Because, books are amazing and there’s no end to the whole exploring journey, right? But how am I supposed to instill this whole love of books into these guys if they constantly miss my classes? They all have access to cell phones or some means of communication, and they never call or inform me via text that they’re not going to be turning up. And I cancel everything and prep my lessons and I wait like a dumb fool and the evening passes and they’re a no-show.

The funniest bit here is that it’s always the parents of my students that have approached me to help their kids. And I’m not someone that would ever say no because, I do genuinely love to teach. For the umpteenth time. The rules are simple. There’s only one rule: if you want it, be ready to accept it. You can’t expect someone to force-feed you if you don’t want to learn. And then nobody blames the students really, it’s always the teacher’s fault. It’s so easy to overlook the fact that the teacher tries hard to be sincere but the students don’t want to be taught. And you can’t refuse lessons because it’ll make you look like the bad guy when it’s not even your fault to begin with.

It’s just that sometimes I feel like maybe they would have taken me a lot more seriously if they were actually paying me. Maybe my time and my efforts and my energy would have meant a little more to them then. Not that I care about money, it’s just that a little show of appreciation would have been enough. I don’t want to be someone they’re doing favors for.

The same thing happens when you sponsor a kid’s education. Most of the times, they’re never happy or they never say thank you. It’s the lack of gratefulness that bites the most. How difficult is that? Which brings me to the next leg of my article:

“LOG KYA KAHENGE?”

One of the WORST things about living in India is becoming the subject of gossip. Log kya kahenge or “Yikes, what will people say” is something that’s solidly and steadfastly prevented every Indian, at some point, from doing something they would’ve gone ahead and accomplished had it not been for the society. Or the community.

• You cannot charge money if you’re teaching your colleague’s child. Or babysitting a neighbor’s son three days a week. You cannot.

• You cannot NOT invite your mum’s best friend’s aunt to your wedding.

• You cannot have an opinion that differs from theirs because tauba tauba, are you mental?

And the list goes on.

Also, since it’s World Environment Day today, it doesn’t make you an environmentalist to suddenly go plant a sapling and water it while posing for the Gram, when you’re going to leave the poor little guy lying around, like meh. Please do it if you’re feeling it. And if you’re feeling it alone.

Peace.

Transition.

Transition.

When I started posting on my little corner of the Internet, four years ago – I had zero idea I would still be doing it in 2019. But here we are, and it’s been over four years and I still remember it like it were yesterday. I remember being so excited when the first person followed me. The blog was owned by someone called Umber and they’re no longer active, but I am and I’m shook, as the kids say, that I am still doing this. It’s actually been a huge learning experience.

2015 – Early ’16: The golden years.

I actually made a few friends. When I started, I was Anonymous for the first few months. And then I met people, and we talked and I kind of broke out of my shell. And it felt good. There you go, lesson number one – it’s good to break out of your shell once in a while. It’s good to get out of your comfort zone. And when you do, it becomes almost like a rush. And that, my dear friends, feels amazing.

2016: The plateau.

My blog hit a literal plateau. Everything was steady and I was doing okay. Decent number of posts each week. Between patients, socializing with people, trips, eating way too much, this was when I started using this space as a journal. Yet, I wasn’t happy. And I still needed somewhere to vent. Lesson number two – Even when everything seems okay, it never really is. Which made me realize that not everything you portray online is an actual representation of what you’re really feeling or going through.

2017 – November ’18: The Downward Spiral.

I’ve to say, this was my driest creative spell. Lost all my motivation, got dragged into a ton of social media drama, which resulted in my deleting all my social media accounts and my makeup blog. Oh, and not to mention, having to face trolling and internet bullying that actually took a major toll on my mental health. I decided to go on hiatus. Lesson number three – it’s okay to take a break once in a while. Life doesn’t expect you to keep pushing. Life is kind and beautiful, all you need to do is see it in a different light.

December 2018 – Present: The Comeback.

I missed writing so much I got back into the groove. I also decided that the old username and URL were both slightly depressing so I changed both. This was a mistake since I lost over half my followers, but I also met more new people, and everyone is so amazing. True, I also got my first ever batch of negative/ gross comments but there’s a lot more positives to this. Which is why I’m going to focus on that. Final lesson – The good outweighs the bad.

If you’re reading this, and if you’ve made major changes and if you’ve been around for a while, tell me the story of how your blog has transitioned into what it is today, over the past few years.

And a little post-script here:

I just finished reading my very first BA Paris novel. She’s really good. This particular book, Bring me Back, reminded me a lot of Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Have you guys read this?

TLB’s Take On Sustainable Fashion.

TLB’s Take On Sustainable Fashion.

I’ve been noticing a lot of plastic clothing all over the place lately. Clear PVC shoes. Bags. Jackets. Hats. Not only do these guys make your toes hella sweaty, they also look weird since they turn yellow fast. Also, they’re non-biodegradable. Which means, once they go out of fashion and you toss your stuff away, they either collect dust at the back of your closet, doing nothing, or they add to toxic waste that’s already choking Momma Earth. Between consumerism that’s becoming a fast-spreading epidemic to fast fashion that brands like H&M, Zara and Forever 21 (and our bloggers with a major cult following) promote, we’re forgetting that we’re making our lives super hard. Soon, we won’t have clean air to even get by.

One way in which you can actually keep the earth from this literal choking is by maybe considering sustainable fashion. There are seven forms of this, according to Green Strategy:

Now, eco fashion happens to be an excellent way to minimize waste – fabric that comes from jute, or muga silk, or even banana stems and pineapple leaves, for example. So much waste is produced anyway when you use unsustainable materials like cotton which actually take up a lot of manual labor, chemicals and not to mention, pollution from factories. Now, banana stems and pineapple leaves produce fabric which you can transform into clothing and they look amazing. Could these someday compete with cotton? (Read about this fascinating article here.) Organic and clean fabrics that won’t harm anything or anybody? Yes, please.

If you’re in India, and you have a wedding coming up, why not – instead of wasting a crazy amount of money on a lehenga that you probably won’t wear again – opt for a rented one? Flyrobe has a ton of designer outfits you can rent, and customize as per your needs. You also pay literally only a fraction of what your outfit would cost you otherwise. They’ve got a lot of designers to pick from, including Sabyasachi.

The other thing you can do to actually minimize waste, like the chart said earlier, is to recycle your old clothing. For example, you’ve been handed down your sibling’s old sweater – you could DIY the heck out of it. It would be something new without actually being new, and you wouldn’t have to spend much to wear a new outfit to school. There’s a YouTuber that posts a lot of DIY videos. Her name is Orly Shani and she’s someone that’s inspired this post. If you’re someone that’s into crafting and DIY, take a look at her channel The DIY Designer. Not only does she look like a snack (a snack named Sandra Bullock), she’s also extra fun to watch.

What’s your take on fashion? Do you believe in sustainable fashion? Do you also have a vintage piece you’ve inherited from one of your parents that you’ve actually worn and loved to death?

Twenty-Eight Life Lessons I’ve learned So Far

Twenty-Eight Life Lessons I’ve learned So Far

Skincare.

1. I love tea. Not the kind that you spill. The teabag kind. The teabags also help with dark circles.

2. Tea tree oil helps with bacne. I’m not entirely sure how it works, but oh boy, does it work.

3. Turmeric and yogurt (both organic) mixed in together and applied to the face actually help your skin glow. Turmeric stains, and you shouldn’t do this more than say, twice a week.

4. Nothing beats a good night’s sleep.

5. Aloe vera helps with sunburns and other mild chemical burns. Be sure to remove the toxin first.

6. Never exfoliate too much. You’ll end up removing all the natural oils and you’ll aggravate your skin because of the abrasive actions.

7. Honey and sugar scrubs help flake away the dead skin off your lips.

• Lifestyle.

8. It’s good to detox once in a while. The mental peace you get from not being on your phone is excellent.

9. Keep your circle small. Less unsolicited advice, less drama, a lot more happiness.

10. It’s amazing to be best friends with someone you’re married to. Not only do you have romantic date nights, you also have chill game nights. Woot.

11. Working out on the daily eventually becomes a habit you can’t shake off.

12. Supplements are good – fish oil, whey, all of it – only in moderation.

13. Diets work if you stick to your meal plans like some resilient wart plasters.

14. Too much cardio is actually the worst thing ever.

Religion and politics.

15. Religion and politics are both polarizing topics. It’s best if you actually went ahead and avoided a conversation about either thing.

16. People will be very sensitive to anything you say.

17. Silence is key.

18. But at the same time, the silence of good men is what got us here in the first place.

19. You’re not defined by who you vote – contrary to what Twitter would lead you to believe.

20. The best way to have a life? To try not to sound like you’re picking sides. Again, refer to point number seventeen.

21. God loves you. Doesn’t matter where you go to pray.

Fashion.

22. The stupider the outfit, the trendier it seems to be.

23. High-rise jeans hide everything but also make it look like you have FUPA.

24. Numbing (or hemorrhoid) cream helps prevent new shoe discomfort. A hack I tested out after I heard Deepika Padukone talk about it. It works.

25. You can start your own line. Everyone is doing it.

26. Everything is trendy. Sheer jackets. Turbans. Cultural appropriation that Gucci promoted.

27. Never say cheap. Say “inexpensive”. Clothes and shoes have sentiments too.

28. A red lipstick is a game-changer. Plus, a cool-toned one makes your teeth look whiter than eff.

Spot a Fake Friend 101

Spot a Fake Friend 101

Everyone has that one person who shows up, once in a poisonous blue moon, dramatic to the Gods, smack in the middle of June. More dramatic than Lady Gaga at the 2019 Met Gala. You never hear from this person for months, and one day there’s a text and it says: Hello, balala.

And all hell breaks loose. And it won’t go away despite your repeated shoos.

This person is the Bellami hair extensions to your Kylie Jenner head. This person is the lash extensions to your otherwise bald lash line, which normally looks dead. This person is faker than those fake acrylic nails you hate after two days of having them done. This person is so fake, she could give Kimmy K a run for ten thousand billion. And this person – my fake friend – makes me want to hate rap. She makes me want to rhyme and say crap. And, oh now I can’t stop. Someone please send help and hurry up.

This person won’t ever be happy for you. They’re going to criticize everything you do. Right from your engagement ring to your bridal trousseau, you name it and they’ve got stuff to say – a nasty thing or two. MY person only ever talks about her life, and never ever asks about mine and I wonder why. Now that I put two and two together to compose poetry that actually seems to rhyme – I’ve been figuring out a lot of stuff that doesn’t fully fly.

Your fake friend will make it look like they’re happy for you when they’re really not. Like the time my fake friend called to say she thought my man was way too hot for someone like me who was way too not. My person only ever texts now to let me know that I’m sub par and that I’m not up to the mark. And when I tell her she’s wrong, she plays the victim card. Insert some eye-rolls please, that’s how you spot a fake friend and share this blog post if you love it and if you love cheese.

Good day, people, and I’m so sorry.

I don’t know what this was.

Really just super annoyed.

I could smash someone into a pulp.

How To: Avoid Conversation Killers

How To: Avoid Conversation Killers

How many times have you been told by someone else what you’re supposed to or not supposed to do? Say you’re randomly scrolling through your phone and you get a text from someone telling your new profile photo is making you look “slightly overweight and that you need to be doing yoga” – how do you feel? That’s exactly how you kill a conversation. Before it’s even started.

Here are five basic “Don’t”s to avoid conversation killers:

• Don’t give unsolicited advice.

People that always give unsolicited advice like they’re giving away free water are actually the worst. If you haven’t been asked, don’t say anything. Sure, this is a free planet and you’re allowed to be opinionated, but did your friend ask you for your opinion? No. And when it’s a no, you need to zip it, Skippy. There’s a whole lot of difference between Twitter and real life, just so you know.

• Don’t ask personal questions.

Honestly, it’s none of your business – you don’t need to be going around asking someone if they’re married or why they don’t have kids yet – unless you were someone that wanted to pay for the wedding or the kids’ college fund. Actually, you know what? Don’t you ask personal stuff anyway. It’s personal for a reason, you know?

• Don’t start someone’s day with negativity.

If you have bad news, don’t share it first thing in the morning. Let the other person settle comfortably into their routine and adjust for a little bit. How hard is that? I have people that send me morbid texts by way of good morning and I don’t like waking up to that. They’re always left on read. If you don’t want to be left on read, don’t do this. Simple.

Don’t be too nosy.

Nobody likes to talk to their nosy aunt. And you don’t want to be nosy aunt. People usually share information if and when they feed like it’s needed to be shared. You don’t have to take a bargepole, poke the other person, and annoy them till they cold-shoulder you.

And finally, don’t try to act like they’re your best friends.

Not if they don’t want you to be their best friend.

Are you someone that’s tired of unsolicited advice too? How do you avoid it?