Stuff That I Should Have Started Doing Earlier

Stuff That I Should Have Started Doing Earlier

Seeing a dermatologist.

I’m super ashamed to say I’ve never seen a dermatologist in my life. When you’re in your late twenties and you’re saying something like this, this is a major problem.

I didn’t know I would face so many skin problems – I have clogged pores that don’t go away, I have whiteheads and my skin is aging – and no amount of aloe is keeping my skin normal.

I have my very first appointment with a dermatologist on Saturday. I hope I don’t get judged too harshly.

Taking proper supplements.

In addition to eating your greens and otherwise having a diet that’s super clean, your body does need supplements. Some people overdo, and that’s bad.

I just started on collagen and biotin and other vitamins.

• Walking everyday.

I workout at home, and I follow people like Chloe Ting. And although my body is apparently healthy, I don’t walk enough. No, walking on your treadmill doesn’t count.

My health apps remind me that I need to be walking more and that never seems to happen.

I’m trying, and so far I’ve made it through Tuesday. Let’s hope I keep at it.

• Keeping in touch with only people who matter.

For the longest time, I would avoid talking to a bunch of people because I was under the impression that they were nosy.

I was wrong.

Nothing feels better than reconnecting. At the same time, nothing feels more liberating than finding out who’s going to be around when you’re sinking, and cutting off the unnecessary drama from people that never wish you well.

Sleeping better.

I’ve actually posted about the benefits of sleep on my blog before, and it’s weird to me that I never followed my own advice.

I’ve made changes now and I give my body six solid hours of sleep. Sometimes seven.

What are some recent changes that you’ve made in your life, that you wish you’d done sooner?

Feminism: An Essay.

Feminism: An Essay.

Science has a no-nonsense way of conducting experiments as we were taught in school. Make observations, draw an inference from said observations and the experiments and then supply a conclusion based on the results. Have no bias whatsoever and stay true to facts. That is what I will attempt to do here, be as objective as possible as to determine the cause and effects of lack of equality among human beings.

Before we talk about things like feminism, misogyny, benefit of doubt and subtle changes in the gender hierarchy, we need to talk about human beings as a whole. Dynamics between men and women and how our minds work is of essential importance while trying to understand the existence of complicated issues such as sexism, racism, casteism etc. Let’s observe ancient history, where men and women were barbarians. There was this inexplicable need the males felt when they saw the females, they couldn’t explain it but they NEEDED it. So they used objects to hit women on the head till they were unconscious and drag them into their cave to procreate. Sometimes the females would die, so they adapted & started using blunt objects to only maim and not kill their target. The females, tried to defend themselves but more often than not were physically overpowered. That’s how the seven billion people of today came to be.

“When the chips are down and rules don’t matter these civilized people will eat each other if they have to”, quoting Heath Ledger’s Joker from The Dark Knight here.

Might seem out of place, but this is very relevant. It speaks about how everything humans do is conditional. And that only the condition matters.

Fast forward to the era between the 1500s to the 1900‘s, humans became much more aware not only of themselves but also of the things around them. Education and art flourished during that period, equal human rights started to seem possible and not just a far-fetched dream. That change came – not without reason – as science advanced scientists found that human bodies were all more or less alike irrespective of gender (excluding reproductive systems, obviously), caste or creed. That shattered the dominant male’s world view, in their opinion they were physically stronger & mentally sharper so they had to be superior, how could they then be considered equal to women? Like every change it not only took a while to implement but also wasn’t accepted by everyone, still isn’t till this day. Seems kind of weird for the mighty human species, the apex predators as we call ourselves, civilized human beings to not be able to make the change in themselves based on reason when barbarians made the change in themselves based on wanting to simply get off. The key point is the change suited the barbarians and their priorities, it did not suit the civilized human males’ priorities. “Kind of weird” is putting it mildly, it’s actually insane. What else would you call someone who completely ignores obvious evidence?

“Insanity is like gravity, all it needs is a push”, second quote I mention from The Dark Knight by Joker which speaks about the condition from the first one, and how that condition just needs a trigger and it can turn into an irrational compulsion, a force that drives you from within to take/not take actions based on facts. In the barbarians that condition was being horny, which drove them to make the change in their style of weaponry. For the civilized men the condition was power, which drove men to deny that the power dynamics were not in their favor, at least based on empirical evidence it wasn’t. I firmly believe this is the reason for feminism to even exist, it’s the incapacity of people to accept change since they weren’t able to place facts over personal priorities.

Feminism proposes the liberation of women from the patriarchal society we have created, & change it into an equal one regarding matters of social, civil & personal rights. A society where people aren’t judged by their gender, but by their abilities. Atleast, that’s what the originators of the ideology imagined.

It took a while for the world to catch on, but the various social media movements such as #metoo and #timesup gripped the world in horror, when people realized how women’s rights are still lacking in majority of the world. Shouldn’t that have been enough to make people realize how messed up our priorities are? Human beings can send machines beyond our own solar system, we can send humans on the moon but we simply cannot accept men & women as equals? That is where another kind of trigger happens where not unlike an auto immune disease the protectors attack what they want to protect.

When a person/people propose a revolutionary theory in any particular matter, the immediate reflex of the human species is to ignore it, to laugh and ridicule it and finally to destroy it. Again, let’s look through history from peace & unity promoters like Mahatma Gandhi & Martin Luther King junior to scientists like Hypatia & Archimedes all of them were murdered. Feminism met with the same ridicule,it wasn’t a person though but an ideology so it couldn’t be killed off. With people taking sides according to their own opinions, a divide came into place which wasn’t much different from the divide caused by race or religion. And that is precisely what brings me to my third and final quote from The Dark Knight, again by the Joker “You either die a hero, or live long enough to watch yourself become the villain.” The hatred spewed in each direction between pro-feminists and anti-feminists, began to blur the lines & before people could know what was happening the victim became the aggressor in the form of feminazi’s and male-bashing. Is that a fair statement?  Women were denied equal rights for centuries, still are in many places and yet they are being held accountable for being overzealous and ending up violating what they claimed to believe in. Are they both the same magnitudes of offence? Definitely not. Does that make it right? Definitely not, but it surely gives men the excuse to stereotype all feminists as feminazi’s and try and draw attention away from the underlying issue.

So what now? Are we doomed to ignoring what the other side is saying and yell our own opinions louder? Will humanity get compartmentalized on the basis of difference of opinion to the extent that people will just stop trusting each other? Depends on what you believe, if you believe the need to prove yourself right exceeds the need to question & analyse what’s right then the Joker would be proud of you.

The reason I keep mentioning the Joker and his lines is because one of the few great things DC comics ever did was to create the character of The Joker. He had no superpowers, but he also didn’t have any delusions about people. He saw the world for what it was and not what he’d like it to be. He had no motives of his own, and that is precisely why he was so dangerous, he knew people. How their minds worked, and that is specifically why this fictional character’s quotes from a somewhat old Hollywood film hits home a little too hard. 

But he wasn’t right in the end of the movie, was he? The people in the bomb-rigged ships carrying the trigger for the other ship didn’t blow each other up. From that I’d like to believe in humanity, I would sleep better knowing that maybe, just maybe at the brink of destruction humanity will do what it does best- evolve. Because that’s all any of us can do really, do our best to learn and listen, and have faith in the people around us.

© Suyash Upadhay, 2019.

Dear Cheat Day

Dear Cheat Day

I’m pretty consistent with my diet, and I haven’t had sugar in almost two years. That being said, I do give myself a cheat day – every Sunday – so my body can chill for a while.

I don’t eat sugar on cheat days, because I don’t want to overdo things. This used to make me cranky as heck when I first started, eventually getting used to it. BUT, with all that being said, I guess everyone has a breaking point. *insert hysterical laughter here*

Krispy Kreme kiosks need to be made illegal at airports. Even if they have to set up shop, it needs to be as far away from the boarding gates as possible. For someone that the reaches airport and checks in super early because of the impending rush, self-control becomes a ginormous issue.

You haven’t had a donut in two years, I told myself, and you can control this six am craving.

So I passed by the kiosk once. Successfully. Did that a second time. Gave up and got myself a Belgian donut thingy, new on the menu, and the guy actually laughed at me. I think I wolfed it down in a minute. Or even less than. It’s been four hours since I had all that sugar and I’m actually super happy. Reporting zero traces of crankiness on the horizon, viability almost at a hundred percent, we are in for a sunny day in my head, irrespective of the actual weather outside.

The point* I’m trying to make here is:

• It’s okay to have a cheat day, and one tiny cheat meal, as long as you’re doing it in moderation.

Ensure that you don’t deny your body and at the same time, don’t overfeed yourself. Most of us have done that at some point, only to have regretted later.

• Sugar ages you faster, so refrain from too much of it. Only have it if you must. Like I needed the donut after a two year break. It was heaven.

• Hydrate. Apple cider vinegar in water actually kills the attack of the “munchies”, and it’s so effective. Tried and tested.

• Make sure you go back to your normal routine after you’ve cheated. So important.

*points. I realize I just listed out five of those. It’s okay. We all know I cannot resist a good listicle.

Have an amazing start to the week, folks!

When Did The World Get So Overwhelming?

When Did The World Get So Overwhelming?

A friend and I were having this conversation the other day and she said:

“I guess we were all running away from home to bigger places and faster lives and social media attention and now when all of it is ruining us, we are running back to the peace of the little towns and taking a supposed social media detox.

Like why do we even need a break from something which wasn’t even our real lives in the first place?”

She’s a hundred percent correct.

There’s no living space, there’s very little breathable air and no drinkable water. India already has a water crisis going on in a lot of places. And everyone else is just so unaware. Doing things for clout, preaching about feminism that doesn’t feel like feminism anymore and pretending to have chill, happy lives which we should all look up to. Most of us don’t even like our day jobs anymore. In a world where YouTube celebrities and Instagram models are fast becoming role models, where do our moral compasses point to, really?

The thing about the modern world is that you cannot say or do the “right” thing. If you post your opinion online, you’ll get trolled and hated and dragged through the mud for it. You’ll be misinterpreted and misunderstood and nobody will cut you any slack. The world is very accepting, yes that’s true – but it is also very unforgiving at the same time. Everyone is constantly and perpetually triggered and is out for blood. It’s so scary and so overwhelming. And you’ve to think a million times before even posting something as simple as a thoughtful and well-written eyeshadow review, or even a book review dismissing a popular author, because God knows who might get offended. There’s so much going on – Stan culture, cancel culture, pile-on hatred and bigotry – that you don’t even feel remotely safe or comfortable anymore.

And you still go back.

You go back to what hurts you and you want to see what’s going on and it’s like an itch and you keep scratching at it, and you bleed. And you still look at what’s bothering you. Social media addiction is a real thing. And at some level, we’re all afflicted. It’s crazy how we all compare ourselves – both on purpose and subconsciously – to that image of some influencer’s perfect. We choose to flaunt fake stories, we choose to show happy when we’re really NOT. There’s a rise in divorce rates. Cheating incidents. Scandals. People feel so entitled to take what’s already taken, and they don’t stop to think or analyze. There’s a rise in immorality and a serious fall in moral values. And if you dare say anything, you’re just a depressed piece of turd that’s moral policing and has no life. They say, Live and Let Live, And before we could realize it, it’s turned into Die and Let Die, but don’t say anything. It’s twisted, really, when we could be idolizing real people with real stories, but we choose not to give them any importance. The ones actually making a difference only exist in the footnotes of some super obscure magazines. Or they exist as obituaries in newspapers yellowing with age – they were the real influencers. The real feminists. And it’s scary today, to see to how far people calling themselves modern influencers will go, for mere likes and followers, losing themselves in the process.

When did social media become our whole lives?

How To: Deal With The Feeling Of Being Demotivated

How To: Deal With The Feeling Of Being Demotivated

Most of us have days where we feel really dull and don’t get much done because the feeling of being demotivated just becomes too overwhelming. Some of us even fall victim to it and let it drag us into an emotional black hole. Luckily, for most of us, this is only a phase and it’s easy to get out of.

If you’re someone that’s doing a workout program, or a writing challenge, demotivating comes to you super easily. It’s hard, I’ll agree, to push yourself constantly. So what do you do?

You give yourself a break.

Don’t forget that you’re human and we all have our dry spells and it’s okay to feel like you’re going through a dry patch. Take a break – it could be a vacation or even a tiny getaway – but once you break the monotony, you’ll notice your life coming back on track.

Don’t PUSH your creativity.

If you’ve got a deadline, and you’re totally panicking, calm down. The more you stress over something, the more you lose track of things. Creativity is something that needs to come to you on its own, and it will, once you let it chill.

Don’t forget to be observant.

There’s a lot to learn from everything and everyone that exists around you. Be vigilant. Who knows what might inspire you?

Get rid of negative people.

If you’re getting bad vibes from someone and if you feel like it’s doing nothing good for your mental peace – drop them. Just let them go. At least for a while. Your peace of mind and your well being are really important and you don’t need someone tossing negative energy your way casually, like it doesn’t matter. Just block them or terminate all contact till you’re a hundred percent fine, and doing great. And then forget about them.

Practice mediation.

I’ve talked about this before – mediation is super powerful and helps you relax. Ten minutes of mediation first thing in the morning is such a good stress-buster. If you’re unable to mediate on your own, use Headspace. It’s a free app, available both on Android and iOS.

A Millennial’s Guide to Saving Money

A Millennial’s Guide to Saving Money

My Dad used to (actually, he still does) say that the millennial is awful with money. So, every month-end that would see me staring woefully at all the missing zeroes in my bank account, I would make a promise to myself that I would be a lot more planned with my moolah. That one month when I was down to my last few hundred rupees, made me realize that I needed to change my ways. When you’re in college, being broke is the worst thing ever, and I forced myself to get my ish together.

Enter Sooch 2.0, the smart, savvy (an exaggeration), wise as ever – with money – version of me.

• I didn’t really do a LOT, just made a few minor changes. For example, I am a teetolater and I realized that when I did go to clubs, I ended up being the grandma and trust me, when you are the ONLY sober person, you don’t need to be going to clubs in the first place. Getting rid of these friends of mine helped drastically. No money was wasted on Uber, or on other people’s liquor, and I got to spend my Sunday nights sleeping in. Unless of course, I had a night shift.

• The second thing I did was cut back completely on ordering in. And I would cook myself healthy meals that momma would approve. Which is something I do till date.

Not only does this save you money, home-cooked meals are almost always so much easier on your heart and your waistline.

• Investments are your best friend. Read up on mutual funds, and property investments and make smart choices. You’ll get returns and you will feel like a sorted person. Get someone to help you out, if you’re getting stuck somewhere. There’s zero shame in asking for guidance.

• I did a lot of debating, and finally made a giant change in my shopping habits. I don’t buy stuff I won’t ever wear. Which means I don’t have clothes that are lying around collecting dust, and I have a closet that gives me breathing space. I’ve also cut back on my makeup shopping addiction by putting myself on ‘low-buys’ and ‘no-buys’, throughout the year, which means sometimes I go without buying makeup for MONTHS at a stretch. I’ve also unfollowed accounts like Trendmood1 on Instagram, because she is an enabler who makes you feel like you are compelled to buy every new launch that every other brand under the sun comes out with.

• I eighty-sixed my credit card. That saved me a lot of headache and hassle and I don’t have humongous bills to pay at the end of every month. If you’re a compulsive and an IMPULSIVE shopper too, don’t get a credit card in the first place.

What are some of the ways you save money?

Ten Relationship Home Truths

Ten Relationship Home Truths

• The biggest mistake people in relationships make would be comparing their relationship to someone else’s.

• A relationship actually should be between two people. Don’t involve a third person. No aunt or mommy or best friend, no one, would ever be able to fix it for you. The only people that can would be you and your partner.

• EVERY COUPLE HAS PROBLEMS. Mature people handle it like pros and that’s why it seems like their relationship is killing it.

• You’re not ready for a new relationship with a new person if you’re constantly saying crap about your ex. You made the choice to date this person, your ex, and you shouldn’t let your present question your brains.

• Rebounds never really last. If someone says they’re happy with their rebound, they’re lying.

• Most millennials are hella scared of marriage. It’s not just you. It’s most of the millennial population. We’re a screwed up generation.

• Also, millennials are really bad with money. Don’t expect your man to always get you stuff because dude is paying EMIs and home loans and you need to chill about not getting a Valentine’s Day gift.

• If you need to play Nancy Drew and if you’re someone that wants his passwords, boo, you ain’t ready. Same goes for the men. If you can’t trust your partner, you need to take a step back and reconsider.

• If you can expect time and attention and other stuff from your partner without overdoing it, you’re going to make a great partner.

• It’s true: if you can be best friends with your partner, you’re super sorted and you’re hella lucky.

Monday Mood Swings

Monday Mood Swings

Jitters. Cold feet. Sleepless nights. Silly little fights. With this poor mum of mine. The rituals. The customs. The Goddamn fish. The long ass lists. The crying over clothes, the unsolicited advice you didn’t ask for. Unfinished chores. The long hours. The cramping because it’s that time of the month, ugh. Over-caffeinated. Tired. Sneezy as heck.

Let me take a deep breath.

Instagram DM: Hey, I’m doing okay. Thanks for asking.

I guess the problem with being a sunny ball of sunshine is that nobody understands that you’re human too. That you’ve got your good days and your bad days. That you need some time off from being their Agony Auntie somedays.

Twitter DM: I’m okay, what’s new with you!?

Sometimes I wanna throw my phone away and breathe for a little while. Play some shit ass music that I actually like. My phone is nearly five months old and the battery capacity is at ninety eight percent, is that all right? It’s driving me mad and it’s driving me wild.

iMessage: No, haha. I’m not mad at you. I’m fine. Stop asking.

I just wanna grab a pillow and go to sleep. Maybe get myself a sensory deprivation tank or something. Or maybe go home to him and cuddle with him. The way his neck smells is just so comforting. Get a pizza and watch some Netflix and go to sleep.

Snapchat: Hey, sorry. It took me a while to reply to your text. What’s up? You broke up with your guy? That’s bad. Let’s talk about it.

I’m dying. I really need a break from this shit.

This, or That?

This, or That?

Are you a late riser, or do you wake up early?

Do you like it black, or do you add some milk to your coffee?

Are you a cat person, or a dog person, or neither?

Are you a follower or are you more of a leader?

Do you get in and out of relationships like it means nothing?

Were you a wild one when you were an early-twenty-something?

When you break up, do you constantly bash your ex?

Or are you forgiving and only focus on what’s coming next?

Do you hold on to the past like it were your first born?

What kind of music do you like – Blake Shelton, or maybe even Korn?

Are you sweet or are you freaking shady?

Are you a polite Tweeter or do you subtweet like crazy?

Is your Instagram all filled with selfies?

Or do you take time to post other shiz?

Are you type A or more of type B?

Introvert, extrovert, “ambivert” maybe?

Do you read for the sake of reading?

Or do you actually devour your paperback because it helps in healing?

Are you comfortable being yourself?

Or do you always put on a show for their sakes?

Are you this, or are you that?

What kind of a person are you, beneath that facade you wear like a hat?

When Should You Seek Help?

When Should You Seek Help?

So, one morning you’re gonna wake up and BAM, you’re thirty. And you have this huge panic attack and you don’t know who to call. You’re scared and you can’t breathe and you have zero clue about what you should be doing next. So what do you do? You see your Ambien bottle and down the whole thing. And the next thing you know, you’re in a hospital bed, sore from the emergency stomach wash.

You don’t want that, now, do you?

So what do you do to keep this from happening? You seek help. Before it’s too late and you’re in an unfixable mess.

What are the ‘red flags’?

Seasonal affective disorder is so sneaky you won’t even know when it’s blossomed into full blown chronic depression, that lasts all day, everyday, round the clock.

It goes to bed with you, lies awake with you, and when you are asleep, it haunts you, and it wakes up with you. It’s worse than your shadow because at least your shadow fades in the darkness, but this guy? He grows even stronger.

If you’ve lost focus, if you don’t like leaving your bed and if you don’t feel passionate about anything anymore, that’s when you know it’s starting. Many women just ignore these little things as PMS, and try to shove it all under the rug by calling it a mood swing issue, and their partners agree, but OH NO, it’s so much worse than that.

People talk about World Mental Health Day and yada yada a lot, without actually implementing what they talk about.

• ARE YOU EVEN HAPPY?

If you can answer this question without lying to yourself, and you’ve answered “yes”, congratulations, you’re lucky and you don’t need to do much – just keep going and doing what you do. And good luck to you. You don’t need to stay here and finish reading this post, you lucky ducky, because you’re sorted and everything.

However, if you’re still reading…

How would you answer these questions?

1. Are you happy with your job?

2. Are you content and happy with your relationship?

3. Do you ever hold things in a lot?

4. Do you feel fit and healthy and active and uplifted?

5. Do you take vacations?

If you’ve answered ‘no’ to most questions, boy, are you in trouble.

Let’s psychoanalyze, shall we?

1. The job thing? Pfffffft. You don’t need to be working a job where you’re being harassed by your manager constantly. Maybe you need the money, desperately, and you’ve got to keep at it, but here’s the thing – look for the silver lining. Stay away from that handsy manager. My man once told me that he’s cold to people at work and doesn’t indulge in conversation because people walk all over you if you open up. And he’s 💯 correct. Staying away from drama is key.

2. The whole relationship thing, yeah? Such a fight, such a headache and such a pain honestly, when it doesn’t work the way you want it to. Seek professional counseling, couples’ therapy sessions, with someone that won’t judge. And trust me when you communicate about what’s eating away at your head, things become this literal cakewalk. We’re unhappy because we care too much or care too less without realizing that happy mediums DO exist.

3. Again, when you hold things in a lot, you’re turning yourself into a pressure cooker. Don’t. You’re a person and you need to let it out. Half of your problems would actually go away if you cared to vent to someone once in a while. Hence, therapy.

4. If you can’t sleep, or eat or feel unhealthy and lethargic in general, try meditation and yoga. There’s no harm in that, is there? I use this app called Headspace and it is excellent – “Andy” has a soothing voice and meditation becomes easy. At the end of my session, I’m left feeling a lot calmer and healthier. Also, try drinking a lot of water. Not only does it help to detox, it also makes you look and feel alive.

5, If you haven’t taken a vacation in ages because you’re married to your job, STOP. Take one as soon as you can. It’s crazy how much we ignore our own mental and physical health for the sake of relatively unimportant ish and drive ourselves nuts in the process. Stay in therapy as long as you need to. There’s no stigma around it anymore. It’s 2019, people.

Have you ever seen a therapist? Did it help?