The Sadistic Dad Monologues

The Sadistic Dad Monologues

“You’re crap.

No wait, you’re LOOSE crap.

You’re dumb.

You’re a waste of space.

You’re numb.

You’re flakier than breadcrumbs.

How long do I have to support you?

How long will you make me fend for you?

How long will I mend things for you?

Shut up and get to work.

Talking to you is so hard.

You never do what your mother and I want.

Talking to you is like talking to a corpse.

You’re just getting worse.

I wish you were never born.

I wish I could have killed you when you were young.

I wish I never spent a penny on you.

You’re just an investment gone wrong.

You’re brown trash and you only ever take and you take and you play your songs.

You’re filthy.

You’re vile.

You’re disgusting.

You’re as bitter as bile.

I wish you were dead.

And if you’re dying go kill yourself outside instead.”

This isn’t fiction. I’ve seen Dads treat their daughters this way. It’s bad enough to have dreams thrust upon a girl, and to have to deal with abuse isn’t something anyone has to go through. It’s a sin.

Everyday, I see kids with bruises, something their Dads gave them earlier – because the kid failed at math, or because the dad was drunk. Everyday I see a girl cry and have her dreams crushed because she has to live her parents’ dreams and doing something else would bring shame on the family. Marrying for love? Oh my. More shame.

When will this country change?

I’m thankful that it’s not the scene in every family, and that some of us have supportive parents but I wish these girls could live happy and not have to cry because they were born female. Having said that, I need to say I love you, Dad. Thanks for not being like this.

Just birthing a child doesn’t make you a Dad or a Mum. It just makes you a procreator. What makes you an actual parent is how human you act around your children. When you become a parent, please don’t be this way.

Good day, folks.

Things A 19 Year Old Taught Me

Things A 19 Year Old Taught Me

You know, sometimes you just meet people on the Internet and you take in their personality, and you think to yourself – “Bloody hell, what an amazing soul! Wish I was more like that!”

So I met Sabhyata, a design student, on Instagram, a couple months back. If you know me at all, you’d know that I never really talk about people unless I happen to admire/love/hate them in some way. And Sabhyata, she’s taught me a lot over the past couple of months. And I’m grateful. This post is by no means a promotion of ass-kissery (is that a word?) but a genuine appreciation for a beautiful person and something very different from all the ranting I normally do.

Today, I’m going to be raving.

So, who’s Sabhyata and why should you be following her on Instagram?

• She’s organized, in a different way.

Take this nineteen year old self-taught makeup lover, who posts crisp new content everyday, every single damn day. And that’s no mean feat because she’s got school, her chores, AND her feed to keep her busy and she manages everything so flawlessly it’s like she’s almost superhuman. She’s taught me how to manage my time better.

• She’s down to earth.

When you’re growing at the speed she’s growing, the attention gets to your head. The success gets to your head. Not for Sabhyata. I was watching her Instagram live and one thing she said touched my heart so much. Someone had asked her how it felt like, to have such a good number of followers in less than a year to which she replied – “Doesn’t matter whether I have 13 k or 100 k people following me, it’ll always be you guys watching me live at 2 in the morning, and I’ll still be like this.”

Again, this girl is only nineteen. Most teenagers don’t treat other people with the amount of love she does. And she doesn’t over do it either.

Also, she responds to every question. Doesn’t send a ♥️ emoji when someone slides into her DM with legit compliments and questions, and she’s always going to take time to hold an actual decent conversation with people.

She’s taught me to have my feet planted firmly on the ground.

• Friendship.

I talked about competition the other day. Sabhyata is her own competition, biggest critic and she’s everyone’s friend. One of my favorite one liners – “You’re my friend and I won’t ever respect you. Ahah. Why would I? We’re the same. And even if you get a Nobel prize, I’ll still have you as my friend who I’ll love. Not go on and say ah I respect you.”

Total gem, you guys. Total gem.

• Quality over Quantity.

Let’s talk about how professional she is. She learns as she grows and she posts content that’s super high quality too. I guess this is where blessing your feed originated from.

If you’re into makeup and you want to know why I’ve been fangirling so much go give her a follow @palletesandpaint on Instagram.

Book Review: Harry Potter and The Cursed Child

Book Review: Harry Potter and The Cursed Child

When Ms Rowling doesn’t write a Harry Potter book, and lets other people do it – well, it’s a disaster waiting to happen . Oh Potter, you rotter…

First off, writing Harry Potter in PLAY FORM? That’s just wrong. On so many levels. 

The book (shall we call it that or just, more appropriately, call it trash) starts where the seventh book left off basically. King’s Cross. Harry’s youngest boy, Albus Severus gets put in Slytherin, becomes best friends with DRACO MALFOY’S son, Scorpius – who has a crush on Rose Granger-Weasley. Does any of that surprise you? 

Oh, and Hermione is Minister for Magic. That’s my favorite bit. 

Who’s the cursed child, you ask? I’d assumed it would be Albus. Or Scorpius, even. But no. It’s this whole new character called Delphi ‘Diggory’. Remember that part in Deathly Hallows when Rowling says this about Bellatrix: 

…mere words could not demonstrate her longing for closeness.

Well apparently, Bella darling did get some that night. Some post dinner Voldy/Bella action totally happened and then… Delphi. You do realize I’m shaking my head at this point, don’t you? Harry Potter isn’t a children’s book anymore if it’s talking about adultery. Bella may have found the Dark Lord broody and hot as hell, but did she really have to cheat on poor old Rudolphus? At least this guy had a nose. I mean, come on, Bella. 

Gross. 

Also, the book has quite a few typos. 

I also don’t like the fact that Time-Turners were used to alter the whole story line. The whole lot was smashed in Order of the Phoenix and should have stayed that way. You don’t fix anything Harry Potter. You just don’t. 

In other words, I positively loathe this book. Thank Goodness the book is really pretty looking. Black and gold leather(ish), hardcover. I’m nearly done with John’s reading challenge – The Cursed Child fulfils the “book published in 2016” category.

This piece of – I’m truly, utterly, sorry – crap deserves a zero rating. 

Rant over. 

Book Review: Carry On

Book Review: Carry On

Rainbow Rowell is probably my favorite YA author. I’ve read Eleanor and Park 300 times. The only book of hers that I didn’t particularly like was Landline. I read Carry On earlier this year, and I re-read it yesterday, and well, it’s a good book. 

It talks about a powerful wizard (magician?) called Simon Snow and his relationship with Baz, his roommate. And also, it uncovers many mysteries. Set in 2015, it talks about the world of Mages, where laptops work. And cell phones. Compared to Harry Potter, this is new. No Muggle gadget would work within Hogwarts. But at Watford, where Simon goes to school, Normal (non magic people) gadgets do work. 

Rowell took a lot of inspiration from Harry Potter, obviously. But she put her own twist to it. 

This is also a love story, of Baz the vampire and Simon the chosen one. Does this remind you of the obvious love story gone sour between Dumbledore and Grindelwald? That JK Rowling never mentioned in the books, but told us later? Yes. 

Rowell’s Penelope is obviously a version of Rowling’s Hermione. The brains. The finely honed spell work. It’s brilliant and unsettling because the spells in Carry on are like regular everyday phrases like “Clean as a whistle”. What?! A tad bit unsettling. 

The romance is the nicest part. Kissing moles like they were a target? Oooooooh. 

Have you read this book? Thoughts?

Let’s Chat!

Let’s Chat!

You know how YouTubers chat with their subscribers? Do people do that on blogs? I don’t know, but let’s just talk. Since I couldn’t post yesterday and I’m struggling to look away from Captain Hook’s beautiful kohl-rimmed eyes, and finish my typing. Ugh. See how makeup distracts me? Lord help me.

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I used to watch Once Upon a Time back in college and then life got way too busy to d’aww over Hook and Snow and Charming. But I’m binge watching it again and – you know what? – rediscovering old memories is a beautiful thing. I’m so glad my aunt’s farmhouse doesn’t have a functional working WiFi thingy, and I got to reconnect with nature, and cows, and well, old favorite shows that I abruptly stopped watching.

Ooh, have y’all ever touched a cow? It’s grossly fascinating. They have these giant eyes that makes them look like they’ve got scleral lenses on. And they have weird tongues. One of my aunt’s cows, the smallest one, Caramel, she licked my hand. Some damn scratchy tongue!!! Ack-ification.

Back to my show, I love badass characters like Hook and Regina. Oh my goodness, Lana Parrilla’s acting is ON POINT. That emotionless thing she does with her eyes. She makes evil look so smoking sexy. And now I have a woman crush. The world is ending.

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She makes ball gowns and latex look weirdly porny-chic.

I’m also on to my fifth book in the Johnny Reads 2016 Reading Challenge – I’m reading If I Stay by Gayle Forman. (Book with movie tie-in cover) This book is making me terribly sad, I need to go drool over Colin O’Donoghue’s eyes now. Hello, New Man Crush.

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💖

Are there any shows you’ve rediscovered? And fallen in love with all over again? Also, what are you currently reading? Let me know!

WTF Wednesday – #17

WTF Wednesday – #17

Did y’all happen to catch the Season Premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel? Friggin’ good-looking cast. Spearheaded *insert dramatic hand gesture* by Matt Bomer. Holy ravioli.

Welcome to a brand new blogpisode of WTF Wednesday, and today we are talking about all the absurdity going on, on popular television.

First off, suddenly it’s all about naked people. Everywhere. Naked men, specifically. You’re watching this TV show, and then suddenly there are butt cheeks on the damn screen. (I am not complaining about Matt Bomer’s hindquarters, mind you). But then how the HECK are you supposed to react when you’re watching AHS and your Mother walks in on you?! It’s like being caught doing some form of The Unmentionables. I tried to snap my damn laptop shut, of course, but my amazingly nice and completely not nosey Mum (I am kidding, twerps) thought I was watching, in her words, “extreme erotica”. And she tackled me. My ancient Mommy tackled me, y’all.

And there went my Wednesday. Ugh.

I’m not finished. She sat down and decided to watch the whole entire episode with me. As if my life wasn’t traumatizing enough. Ugh! This is the point where I ask y’all to stop my beating heart, pull the trigger, yada yada yada.

And then she goes, “He looks amazing with kohl on.” Oh dear God.

And then, mercifully, she had to go because someone rang the doorbell. Literally saved by the bell, there. Thank you, doorbells. And thus, my fellow bloggers, I didn’t end up having to watch the horrendously gory foursome sex scene with my Mum. (Oh, the horror!)

Next, Lady Gaga seems to be rocking some crazy eyebrows. And some crazy makeup. But that’s okay, we’re used to lady Gaga wearing weird hair and pasties, right? Just when I’m getting used to all that skin show, she’s sliced open this guy’s jugular. Oh. My. God.

And before I sign off, let me quickly rant about Sleepy Hollow, I loathe Katrina Crane from the core of my butt (since we’re talking butt-ies, la la, yep, that Tove Lo song – Talking Body – is still stuck in my head) and I’m so happy she’s not made an appearance in season three yet. I hope she NEVER COMES BACK. Bloody waste of space.

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Die, B*tch, Die. Stay dead.

Meanwhile, Nikki Reed looks fabulous as Betsy Ross. But she needs to stay away from Ichabod Crane. I’m all about Ichabbie, anyway.

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No Katrina, No Betsy, no Mary. Nada.

How’s your day lookin’?

Ten Things I’ve Got Major Problems With

Ten Things I’ve Got Major Problems With

I don’t normally have a problem with people unless they happen to be relatives. But with age comes restraint, and you’ve to restrain yourself from smashing peoples’ faces into pies.

But, there are ten things (actually ten million but I’m not gonna type up a ginormous post and give myself carpal tunnel) that abso-effing-lutely get on my nerves.

1. When people won’t stay in queue. And when they think it’s okay to just push their way in. Like, dude – I was here first. Back the Hell off!

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It makes me THIS MAD.

2. When you’ve had a super long day, and your Goddarn phone blows up with whatsapp notifications. And you switch your phone off and settle in and you’re just getting cosy when…

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...this sh*t happens.

3. Friends who only call you to make you jealous. Like, “Look, I’ve got myself a new boyfriend! Isn’t he the hunkiest ever?” When I’m at work. Makes me want to punch them in their dumb vajayjays. Wearing gloves, of course.

4. Excessive pet-name-calling. I am not a feminist, but I have a serious problem with men addressing women as “chicks, babes, honeybunnys” et cetera. First off, women are humans, not chickens. Not rabbits. And definitely not diaper-clad infants.

5. Clingy boyfriends. I remember this friend of mine, who had to get her man’s approval for every little effing thing. “Honey, is it okay if I hang out with the girls tonight?” “No, hang out with me.” Over and over. Gaaaaah. No.

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Yes you do, Ye Clingy Boyfie.

6. Overpopulation. It irks me. IRKS me, y’all. There’s no navigating space. Soon, we’ll be out of oxygen.

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7. Septugenarian male leads making out with twenty-four-year-old female leads on-screen. Sweet baby Jesus. Make it stop. Make it stop! It’s effing unfair that Chris Evans has retired from acting, but certain Indian actors still won’t give up.

8. Why even make low-calorie sweetners if our brains aren’t fooled by them?!

9. Superficial people. Now, that’s quite rich, coming from me because I’m a lipstick hobo and all that, but it’s a horrible thing to be. Bit of advice: Stay away from such people, they will drag you down.

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10. The script writers for Sleepy Hollow cause they made Hawley leave in season two. Thou shalt burn in Hell.

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I guess I have a thing for lumbersexual men. And he is HOT without the shirt on!!

Gaaaaaaaaah.

Men In Suits.

Men In Suits.

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How can you NOT drool over this guy?

I was watching White Collar today, all the episodes, back to back, and oh dear Lord, how HOT DOES MATT BOMER LOOK?

*Droolathon*

I don’t know what’s with me and men in suits. I would much rather go 😻😻😻 over a man in suit than a shirtless one. Am I too weird?

I’ve always been a sucker for power dressing. Crisp suits. Sharp ties. Brougues shined to perfection. Ooooh. Dreamy. I think I’ve also finally grown up. Definitely a bad sign.

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And obviously, I’ve overdosed on Matt Bomer’s jawline way too much. 

(In an alternate universe – because in this universe, I’m way too disaster-prone to be dating anyone), If a guy asked me out and showed up in a suit on our first date, I’d totally go insane! And dream all sorts of things, read:💘💍👰🎩👶.

Sooch you’re scaring people away. Like, stop.

There’s something wrong with me, even more than usual. I’m talking babies and stuff way too much. *shudder*

But, seriously though.

Imagine a guy in suit with a smile featuring several dimples! Aaah. *Dies*

Do you like guys in suits, or jeans and one of those hoodie thingamajigs? And guys, do you like wearing suits? Would you wear a one on a first date?

PS: I’m not a fan of birthday suits. 😛

Love xx

Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst. Day. Ever.

I totally should have known my day was gonna suck bananas. I woke up at 2 am, and stayed up, like a bespectacled owl – literally – unable to sleep.

And I still managed to run late.

Got tanned running around like a headless chicken trying to overtake Usain Bolt (ha) in the sun, the heat so intense you could have toasted waffles on my skin.

Then I’d to go meet the head of the surgery department, who happens to be nearly as nice as Professor Umbridge. The guy very sweetly screwed my happiness, carefully mentioning twice that I would always be a craptastic doctor. Awh. How adorable of him!

As if that wasn’t enough, I got attacked by an overly attached “friend” of mine, who wants to always keep hanging out, despite my insistence that I would really, really much rather spend some quality alone time.

(High time I paid attention to myself.)

And I ended up eating too many chicken kebabs. When I’m on a diet. God help me.

How do you deal with days like these?

Love xx