Movie Review: Secret Obsession

Movie Review: Secret Obsession

Going to cut to the chase here and say, “Issa NO.” Just no. I wasted my afternoon watching this absolute trash of a movie trying to justify having done it – came up with zero reasons to actually tell myself that it was okay.

Truth be told, I’m offended.

Netflix messes with you sometimes. I loved YOU, which actually told the story of a psychopathic serial killer from his own point of view. And I assumed that Secret Obsession would be similar, but boy, was I sorely disappointed.

First off, you can actually tell the whole story from the trailer itself. Where’s the fun in that?

She still has fake lashes on. Slow claps.

I’ve to admit I watched it for Brenda Song alone. She played London Tipton in The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and I was such a huge fan. She plays Jennifer Allen who gets hit by a car and suffers from short term memory loss, with no memories of her life or her husband. This guy Russell comes up to her and introduces himself to her as her husband and she says yeah, okay. And she goes home – a suspiciously large home – with him. She comfortably settles into the role of a housewife because Russell says she’s quit her job and eats an obnoxious amount of breakfast eggs, and goes about trying to see if anything at home triggers her memory. But Secret Obsession did her dirty. Her character is bland at best and there are so many gaping pot holes, you’re going to give yourself a headache just by trying to keep track. Mike Vogel, the psychopath that plays Russell, isn’t just crazy enough. He photoshops himself into her life, edits a whole bunch of photos, including the wedding photo, but forgets to blend in the skin tone and edit major stuff like fixing his own reflection in a photo that shows the back of the real Russell’s head. Which Jennifer notices eventually – by then it’s too late.

Look at the obscene amount of scrambled eggs she’s eating.

Like, honestly.

There’s a good cop with a tragic backstory that finds out about the knock off husband pretending to be the real husband, and he does some investigation and finds out the real tea. The other thing that gets me is the completely baffling timeline. Three months, and fake Russell KILLED Jennifer’s (Song) parents and they’ve decomposed funny. There’s also a strange man that leaves flowers and Russell kills and buries him in the backyard. Nobody finds this dead person. There’s also a scene where Russell gets mad because Jennifer won’t do it with him and he has an angry outburst and grips her arm tightly. Okay, dude needs to learn to get it under control.

Eventually Russell gets found out and we have a happy ending with Jennifer limping away in heels. Why would anyone put her in heels when she’s clearly limping is yet another mystery to me.

A few people have liked the movie, but it’s a hard pass in my opinion. If you’re bored and want to get drunk surreptitiously out of your skull and need something to distract you, watch Secret Obsession. Have a great weekend, folks.