I Cheated and Felt Good

I Cheated and Felt Good

I’m guilty.

I’ve never had these …lapses. Never before. But I managed to slip up this one time.

I was home alone. He wasn’t around. The cat wasn’t around. The dog was with him. Everyone else was on holiday. Everyone but me. And when the cat is away…

The mouse will play. The girl will play. Argh. Ugh. Okay. Deep breath. Got a story to tell here. I’m sure you’re all like:

I’m gonna start from the beginning. I was unhappy. I didn’t like my routine, gym was frustrating the crap out of me and I couldn’t handle it anymore. It began one lazy Friday evening. I usually teach a batch of kids English on the weekends but my class had prior engagements that day, and they didn’t show up. What was a lonely woman to do? I logged in on to one fine app, started scrolling.

My, my.

All of that delicious, airbrushed looking skin. I could almost taste it through the screen. Yum. See, that’s how it started. With “this one little bite that couldn’t possibly hurt, could it?”

The thing with cheating, dear friends, is when you bite, you eventually start to fall. And with the falling comes the drowning. One weekend led to more weekends. One day of scrolling led to more days of scrolling. More days of cheating. You wouldn’t possibly know the satisfaction you get from giving into what you’re craving and before long, it becomes this addiction you can’t shake off.

One step forward, thirty billion steps back. You know it’s wrong, but it feels so good and you can’t stop.

And that’s how I cheated on my Keto. Happy April Fools’ Day, one day in advance.

Okay, PS: Swiggy and Zomato and other Food Delivery apps are really bad for you. Specially when you’re on Keto and you want to eat that box of beautiful, airbrushed looking donuts. Dear me. I think I broke Keto thrice and okay, it felt good but I guess I gotta uninstall all those apps now. I have zero restraint when I don’t have family around. Send help.

On Hipster Readers

On Hipster Readers

I’ve noticed a trend these days: people seem to be posting photos of themselves reading, on their Instagram stories. And when you get super excited because that’s one of your favorite reads they’re seemingly engrossed in, and you reach out to talk about the book – only to realize that they’re just doing it for the ‘Gram, it makes you incredibly sad.

Books don’t deserve to be treated like fashion accessories, you guys. Just because a book has a pretty cover you wanna show off, doesn’t make it okay to post about it and just leave it lying there. Can you imagine how bad this book must be feeling? If you’re only just posting pictures of it, give the book away once you’re done. Books aren’t meant to just adorn your walls, you know? You shouldn’t be projecting intellect when you’re the exact opposite. I think you should draw the line at fashion blogging and leave it at that.

I’ve seen people on the metro reading books with weird covers, only to realize that those aren’t books at all, and that someone’s photographing them. I found this article online and the author has the same issue, as I do, with this kind of reading. Also, this trend is going really viral in India. People that claim to not be influencers actually post about it a lot. And about a hundred percent of the time, it happens to be a book from their partner’s collection – and this partner never shows up on insta but actually reads and loves books like crazy.

As if that wasn’t enough, this extremely shameless person once confessed to me about it. That she doesn’t read and has never read a book in her life apart from the course stuff in college, and that she only posts snippets on Instagram because she was love with the idea of reading because it made her look intellectual. Also, this was the same person that only cared to stay friends with me because I was Bengali and that appealed to her. I mean, the gall.

Imagine if all our friends were to choose us based on where we came from, and were constantly pretending to read books while never having read even one page. Oh, the horror. Do you have any friends that fake read?

The Evolution of Music

The Evolution of Music

Hello, my love.

See what I did there? No? If you’re one of those people that grew up listening to Westlife, Backstreet Boys, Avril Lavigne, and other older artists, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Westlife were on this hiatus and we thought they’d never come back and then they popped back into the picture with their newest offering, Hello my love. This makes my heart so happy. My Love is actually one of my favorite songs ever. Ooh ooh. Also, their single Better Man reached the top of the iTunes Charts within mere hours of its release just yesterday.

2019 is already off to a good start, people.

I remember back in the day when music would make you feel good, when music wasn’t something you’d had to play in secret because the lyrics were so vulgar they’d make a sailor blush. I’m looking at you, Cardi B. Leaving aside the fact that her name sounds like it could have a very good market as a vitamin supplement, her lyrics and her gyrating is just too much. Also, whatever happened to the Bruno Mars we so loved back in the day? The new video for Please Me is NSFW.

The only different – and good thing – about the 2019 music scene, to me, is probably Billie Eilish. She’s seventeen and slaying. Everything she does, and the music videos she makes, always have people talking. I love it that she doesn’t seem to sell sex (reminds me so much of old timey Avril Lavigne) and she doesn’t act like a crazy person, and that every song of hers has such deeper meaning that whatever meets the eye. So yay, Billie.

I remember being obsessed with boy bands in general. Pretty much like every other nineties baby. And now that those bands are making a comeback, I couldn’t be happier.

Although, pop disruptor Bebe Rexha is someone I listen to on a regular basis, her videos are kind of cringeworthy. Specially that video for Last Hurrah. Yikes. Also, did you know, that her biggest commercial success was this country song she did with Florida Georgia line? Crazy, huh? There’s nothing this woman can’t do. Ooh.

Also, how cool are these angel wings? Do you have a favorite nineties pop band?

Nobody

Nobody

letterstospecialretards

Note: Mostly venting. Thoughts, feelings and emotions, in misarranged patterns. End result, who gives a shite?

I had come to a conference as a delegate with my brother, his wife and my associate. A splendid affair, the papers presented had something unique.

The problem with being with a work associate when your brother and his wife decidedly go on a date is that you have to talk to a person who you would rather not talk to. She knew of my predicament and her silence and my lack of confidence kept the songs playing, albeit at shuffle and neither of us changing the shitty ones.

She broke the silence.

Her words were quiet yet I heard them playing over the song. The statement came as a thoughtful yet determined venture,

“They’ve replaced you.”

I know.

“What are you going to do about it?”

I don’t know. Do I have…

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Why I Don’t Trust “Social Media” Brands

Why I Don’t Trust “Social Media” Brands

Before we get started, here’s a little disclaimer: this post is based on observation and implementation, both of which have managed to solidify my strong opinions about stuff I’m going to talk about. By no means, however, is this a “bashing sorta” post. And now, on to the lovely rant-athon.

• MORPHE:

Ugh. Where do I even begin? Purely one of those brands that got famous from having big bloggers push their codes down people’s throats like crazy, Morphe is basically an epidemic. Every time I’ve bought their brushes in the past, they managed to shed, and break. And my MAC 217 has seen ten years of eyeshadow blending. And it hasn’t cracked. Just saying.

Morphe shadows have given me blepharitis, and what not. I’ve never been able to make them work. It’s just my bad luck, I suppose, because I’m definitely in the minority. But their shadows have refused to blend on me (it’s probably because I’m no makeup expert – also, it’s funny that other brands like Juvia’s Place don’t give my eyelids a nightmare) and it’s made me super frustrated.

Their products are made in PRC and of course, with the new laws being passed in China about no more animal testing on products, I’m hoping we don’t see bunnies being sacrificed at the makeup altar anymore. Now having said all of that, I completely mistrust the brand. They came out of nowhere. They took the world by storm. They paid people to talk about them, and I get they feeling that it’s a case of mass hypnotism that everyone’s just been buying into. But here’s the thing: they claim to be cruelty free but sell natural hair brushes. So what’s up with that? I would’ve given Morphe another chance if their products worked for me – but mostly I would have given them another chance if they stopped with the over-promotion. Let your consumers breathe.

• FASHION NOVA:

This is where you’re gonna find knock-offs of all the celebrity outfits (Kardashian, mostly). Now, while the website has a good size range, the models on there bother me. “Unless you’re super curvy, you can’t rock our outfits”, is the vibe I get from them. I mean, whatever am I supposed to do if I’ve gotten sucked into the influencer-induced FashionNova frenzy, and I wanna try some stuff but can’t because I’m a literal twig?

Also, I believe that if you’re good enough, you wouldn’t need to over-saturate the market with your ads. You wouldn’t need to pay people to talk about you because people would talk about you on their own. Get what I mean?

So I did order some stuff, just to see what the hype was all about. The fabric? Oh my Lord. Granted, the photos match the actual stuff you’re gonna get, but the material isn’t great. Which means yay, congratulations, you’ve been fooled by yet another Social Media brand.

But no judgements: if you love them, you do you, boo.

• DANIEL WELLINGTON:

DW started off with their quartz watches, again manufactured in China. Let’s just quickly throw this in there – they are overpriced. But they’re really Instagram savvy and have managed to get so many people on board with constant spamming and sending any random new influencer a code. Which made me wonder what was so special about them, and I bought myself a DW, only to realize that the watch did nothing but look good and that was it. All style and no substance whatsoever. Plus, it didn’t have that weight to it that comes with a nice mechanical watch that, for example, Seiko or even Casio makes. You could get a better quartz watch from any other brand that looked ten times cuter.

True, Kendall Jenner endorses the brand but then she’s also been in the center of many other controversies, right?

This social media favorite watch brand simply doesn’t cut it for me.

Are there any social media brands you don’t trust?

Actually Painful Stuff

Actually Painful Stuff

Have you read Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda? Becky Albertalli just casually throws a line in there about how exhausting blogging actually is. That’s the number one thing on our list today: blogging, on the daily, is painful. Painfully hard.

Is there anything harder than that? Yes. Challenges. The 365 day challenge. The gallon-of-water-a-day challenge. The no sugar diet challenge. The list goes on. Now don’t get me wrong – we love lists on this side of the Internet. We do. In fact, my blog seems to be filled with listy posts that people actually managed to read without falling asleep. So yay, go me. My point here, before I digress, is lists are hard to do. Both to make and to stick to. Also, I cannot tell you the number of lists that I have taped to my fridge. It’s more like a noticeboard that’s kind of screaming for help with things left unchecked. Life is mental. Life is batcrap mental. Send help.

You know what else is difficult? Trying to live with Indian parents whose maid just quit on them. Again, don’t get me wrong. My parents are wonderful people. It’s the maid that’s kind of super attached to her new grandkid and didn’t want to be a maid anymore but kind of needed the money – so long story short, she got found out stealing moolah from our wallets and tried to make us look bad and well, um, she quit. Maid culture is rampant in India. Your mum won’t miss you when you’re not around but she’s going to miss the maid. She’s going to be all depressed because she’s the ONLY person who’s working a nine to five job in the circle of other brown mommies, and has to come home and make her own tea. I think this bothers her more than anything else, making her own tea. She detests her own cooking. Go figure. And she won’t like it if you make tea for her because the maid simply does it better. Like holy wow.

Now, as if THAT wasn’t enough, there’s my most painful experience ever – having to wash my makeup brushes every Sunday. It’s a process. You gotta find your brushes first. Make a nice concoction with dishwashing fluid and olive oil, making sure you don’t mess up the ratio. Next, you need to clean the pink Sigma glove you use to swirl your brushes on, so the dirt comes out. And you’ve to do all of that without annoying your mum and her ritualistic Sunday-cooking frenzy. And then you’ve to leave the bushes to dry and put them back in their proper containers so they don’t look messy.

It’s tough being a woman. It is.

*THIS POST HAS BEEN WRITTEN IN JEST. TAKE ALL OF THIS WITH TEN PINCHES OF SALT. IF YOU ARE HYPERTENSIVE, TAKE IT WITH HALF A PINCH OF SALT.

Allergy Season

Allergy Season

I don’t need alarms to wake me up these days. Thanks to the summer cold situation. It doesn’t even help that the air is to teasy with pollen, that my eyes are perpetually watery and my nose is constantly runny, and I’ve used up more tissues than the average public loos. God help me.

Allergic rhinitis is like that ex that won’t leave you alone. You’d think Cetrizine or Montelukast or other antihistamines would do the job and help with your allergy situation but oh no, you pop pills and go to sleep and you oversleep and you miss the morning workout. And that makes you grumpy and the goo oozing from the nosie doesn’t make it any better. Sigh. What a life, guys.

I’ve been atopic my whole life. I get it from my dad. Which means, once I’m exposed to even the tiniest fleck of dust or pollen or whatever, I’ll go red and rashy and end up looking like I’ve recently been burned in the oven. Thanks, Pop. And when you’re a physician, you can’t tell your patients that you’re sick because they lose faith in you (my doctor can’t cure herself) and that’s the worst thing ever.

Then come the food allergies. I can’t eat shellfish or eggplant. My cousin can’t eat his coveted poached eggs. My best friend can’t eat chicken without getting severe reactions. This one time it got so bad, she needed epinephrine shots. Yikes.

And all of that is bearable.

You know what’s the worst thing, though? When you’re allergic to cats. *sobs quietly* I love cats. The Persian ones. My friend had the cutest cats back when I was in college, and I couldn’t even play with them too much because I would end up sneezing my head off. And you don’t want your head to explode around cute furry animals. I have this friend who’s a teacher and is allergic to chalk dust. I wish her university would provide her with a damn marker pen and a whiteboard instead of the old timey backboard and duster and chalk. It’s painful, y’all, having to teach kids and be sneezy and sick and be allergy ridden and dripping nosie. Argh. If you’re reading this post, Ren, you know it’s for you. I hope you get better soon. And your Uni shows some kindness.

Coming back to me, I wish I could enjoy spring. I wish I could breathe in the nice crisp air instead of having to wear a mask all the time. So annoying.

Instagram – The Dark Side

Instagram – The Dark Side

Have you ever noticed the amount of flaunting that goes on all over Instagram? Go check your explore page right now. You’ll know what I’m talking about. I feel like with the influencer culture hitting cult status very quickly, people think that it’s okay to just act completely differently over on social media than how they’d act in real life.

And I know it’s not just me.

Instagram has changed its algorithm lately. People have been losing their minds trying to fix their engagement rates. I see you tubers and instagram models obsess over their feed. The more people you reach, the more paid promos you get to do, and eventually, you can quit your job and buy that dream Ferrari. And it’s not just the models, I’m guilty of that too. I want my instagram to look aesthetically pleasing.

And that’s when the obsession starts.

Every waking moment, you take photos. You’re on a date and you’re instagmming away. You won’t eat your sandwich till you’ve taken thirty billion photos of it. Carfies, bookfies, shelfies and footfies are now trending. And they’re now actual words. Never mind that they didn’t make it to the Oxford dictionary.

You obsess over people vacationing in Bora Bora and you don’t eat or buy essentials because you want to take a nice beachy photo. You starve yourself so the bikini you bought last summer – and didn’t even find time to cut the tags off of – fits you like a dream. You fake tan enough to put Trump to shame. And the list goes on. It never ends. And you won’t let the obsession go away. You compare yourself to strangers and you want lip fillers because suddenly you’re insecure about them.

You see what it’s doing to you, and you feel yourself getting wasted – so you finally de-activate and decide to never come back on Instagram – only to come back three seconds later because you’ve to see what new lip kit Kylie Jenner is launching. The madness is real, and you love it, and you want it and the itch is unbearable and you keep scratching at it, till you bleed but you don’t stop and you can’t stop. Instagram is more addictive than porn or even Lady Sativa.

How do you fight it?

• You don’t look at your explore page.

• You don’t stalk people. If you don’t like what an account is doing to your mental health, you block that account till one day you forget about it.

• NEVER post about your love life on there. It attracts bad juju. Do you see how many influencers break up with their significant others? Do you see the public humiliation famous people face because they put it all out there? Do you need that? No.

• BOLD REMINDER: the more time you spend on there….

• Make good use of DownTime. You’ll be fine.

Happy Healthy-Instagramming!

Medusa: Woman, Wronged

Medusa: Woman, Wronged

We’ve all heard of Medusa, right? The Gorgon with snakes for hair, hideously deformed, turning people to stone – does any of that sound familiar to you? Thought so.

How many of us actually know the whole story? Did you know, for example, that Medusa had two siblings? According to Wikipedia:

The three Gorgon sisters—Medusa, Stheno, and Euryale—were all children of the ancient marine deities Phorcys (or “Phorkys”) and his sister Ceto (or “Keto”), chthonic monsters from an archaic world.

Now, Medusa was also the only mortal amongst her siblings, and she also happened to be a young woman of breathtaking beauty. She was training to be a priestess and serve and protect the goddess Athena. It was around this time that Poseidon, the god of the sea, happened to see her and wanted to possess her. Medusa rebuffed him, because she wanted to be a priestess and stay celibate. Poseidon, and his male ego, wouldn’t let this go, and he ended up raping her in Athena’s temple. Medusa sought protection and begged to be seen and heard. And Athena punished Medusa for having lost her virginity, turning her into a grotesque monster with snakes for hair.

She was eventually beheaded by Perseus and her head delivered to Athena, who placed it upon her shield to ward away evil. In death too, Medusa protected Athena like she was always meant to.

Now, this infuriates me. Victim-shaming, isn’t new at all. This practice letting women be constantly wronged and treating them like absolute dirt, and punishing them for being molested, has clearly been around since the beginning of time. Every religion has oppressed women in some way. For example, Hinduism had the ritual called sati – the practice of burning young widows alive next to their super old and dead husbands because they didn’t deserve a life. So it’s been the same all over. And nobody did much to stop it. What’s even more infuriating is the fact that Ovid said that the punishment doled out towards Medusa was totally justified. For no fault of her own. Wow.

I wish someone would make a stand-alone Medusa movie. Tell the story as it is meant to be told. I’ll watch. I can’t wait.

Are Reboots Better Than The OGs?

Are Reboots Better Than The OGs?

Netflix is doing great lately. It gave us Birdbox. And it gave us Stranger Things. It also gave us the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Dynasty, reboot and Charmed, reboot.

I grew up watching Sabrina the teenage witch. I mean, Melissa Joan Hart was adorable. Take a look at that hair! And aw, that face. She was bubbly and cute and everything rosy. But nobody realized what we were missing out onuntil the CAOS happened. And it was so good. Is so good.

It stars Kiernan Shipka as Sabrina, and boy oh boy, her acting skills are top notch. Although arguably a lot darker, the show is also a whole lot more gripping. While many people detested the show because of how satanic it seemed to be, and quit midway, most of us loved the show and cannot wait for the new season. The trailer that dropped a few days back looks promising and basically, just whoa. The bonus Christmas episode from 2018 was beautiful. Super nice.

Dynasty was a big hit in the eighties. The 2018 reboot is actually more interesting to me. Maybe that’s got something to do with my love for Liz Gillies but the girl can act. And sing. And the clothes are great, and the script is great, the cuts are crisp and Alexis is awesome (spoiler alert: even though she gets thrown into the fireplace in the latest episode of season two.) I’ve rarely loved a TV villain half as much as I’ve loved Nicolette Sheridan’s – remember her from Desperate Housewives? – portrayal of Alexis. The woman is as eye-conic as her eyelashes. Although Dame Joan Collins as Alexis was just as badass:

…I still like the newer cast better. For starters, I love the inclusivity and the tweaks here and there – for example, I love that Sammy Jo is a gay man in the reboot, that the Colbys are black, and that the new location is now Atlanta. Woot woot. Plus, I love the new Fallon. She’s PERFECT.

Which brings me to the last show I want to discuss – Charmed.

Okay, I loved the OG. I was obsessed. I mean, who doesn’t love Prue and Paige? Rose McGowan was a treat to watch.

The new show though, wow. They changed the names and the sexual orientation of one of the sisters. Which made me go, yaaaaaasssss girl, and I adore Macy. She’s brilliant and doesn’t wear over the top clothing and isn’t perfect, and has demon blood in her and oh my goodness, she’s brilliant. Swoon. Also Maggie as the empath is just so effing cute. Kind of don’t like Mel much but I love Jada because she’s so mysterious. Ah. You need to watch the show.

Clearly, all the reboots take the crown. In my opinion. Are you a fan of the OG or the reboots, in case you do watch any of these shows? Meanwhile, I cannot wait for the new episode of Charmed, this Sunday. The only sad part about these shows I watch would be the fact that they only air once a week. Argh.